Strange Days Indeed

Been a strange few days.

I have no idea where my head is at with anything. Been wandering about in a bit of a daze, trying to function normally but going on autopilot really.

Lots of tears the last few days. I feel so displaced. I don't really belong anywhere. I just stay places and I think my time of doing that is running out. How much longer can I reasonably inflict myself and my children on people?

I have fantasic friends. I am lucky. But I feel like am I constantly asking too much.

Christmas will be strange. I'll be staying with Keith but I am not sure I should. I want to but I am not sure if he has said yes because he wants me to or because he feels he should... or maybe he feels he can't say no. I've really no idea.

I know this is an emotional time for him and I feel like I am not part of that and I am intruding.

Actually, truth be told I feel like that much of the time lately. Maybe I shouldn't feel so insecure in this relationship... but I do.

Its not easy to live in a shadow... I can't live up to anything... failure is probably the only option.

Been fighting hard in my head not to retreat behind a wall. It's too easy to look at myself and see all my faults... and there are many.

Oh and to cap it all, my GP wouldn't sign any certificate to say I am fit to go back to work. He has signed me off for another three weeks. Given that work won't pay me while I am off sick that means a grand total of SIX weeks on SSP (£75 a week) going into my bank. And that's assuming my GP says I can go back at the end of this three week period.

I have no idea how I will cope... well I'm not coping really, am I!

LOL - Keith, your girfriend is a bit crap and an emotional lunatic. Sorry! You have been warned!

That's assuming of course that you still read my blog....