Brilliant Birthday

On to the good stuff... My Birthday!

I have had a brilliant birthday weekend.

Thank you SO MUCH Keith for organising it. I can't begin to describe how much it meant - its been such a long time since anyone other than my kids and my Mum made any kind of fuss about my birthday.

The weekend started with a surprise prezzie from Sam and Sophie. They bought me candles! They were lovely - thoughtful and very unexpected. I was really touched.

Me opening my prezzie!



After a quick run to Lidl for nibbles, I headed off to London to pick up Jade, Gemima and my fab friend Karen and brought them back to SWF for a loud and raucous night in at Keith's.

For the first time since I have been going to SWF, Keith and I had all our children under one roof! And it didn't even feel strange (although Keith said he felt he had to be on his best behaviour more with Jade around than he did with my Mum around!!!).

Got a bit squiffy on some extremely nice Vanilla Rum (Sailor Jerry) which was a birthday prezzie from Jade and her boyfriend, Ryan.

Much fun was had by all and it seemed that Rock Band was the order of the night.

A few pics below...

But why is the Rum always gone? Erm... because I drank it mebbe?!

Awwww! Keith with his head almost in my lap! That's NOT quite what doggy style is all about Keith but never mind eh!

My attemps to touch up my make-up without anyone noticing were a bit of a failure!

Gemima throws shapes singing to Nirvana, while Jade concentrates on maintaining a straight face and a sense of rhythm!

Keith concentrating very hard on being in the Rock Band!

Jade practicing to out-do Ryan on drums!

Livvie, Kirby (Sam's girlfriend) and Sam

Aaron: I'm just way too cool to smile!

You can drink WHO under the table Sam?

Karen having a boogie:

Prince Charming... Prince Charming... Ridicule is nothing to be scared of!:

Gemima - playing the guitar like Hendrix!:

More pics here: Toni's Birthday Pics

Divorce Update

Wow - I have been spectacularly shite at keeping up with my blog lately!

A lot of stuff going on this month too. Won't bore you all with the nitty gritty but the divorce is ploughing ahead more slowly than a slow thing! Got the financial stuff finished - just need to get it exchanged and apply for decree absolute.

Nick's mood swings are becoming increasingly extreme. He has gone from wanting to talk and co-operate to cancelling all the direct debits on the joint account without telling me. I had to pay the mortgage and then shift the mortgage payment date til after my new payday.

Then after all that his solicitor wrote to advise that as I have "refused" to pay into the joint account for 2 months he is going to issuue an application for ancillary relief which will include an application for maintenance!

This from the fucker who has left me to pay for ALL the childcare needs and food since OCTOBER 2007! Not to mention that I paid the last mortgage installment! It was only one month I missed and that was because I changed jobs and got paid about £900 less than I expected to be paid! BUT I CALLED THE BANK TO ADVISE THEM AND REARRANGE STUFF!

And there is a big difference between refusing to pay and being unable to pay!

Grrrrrrrr! Bastard!

Suffice it to say I am not taking that crap from him or his solicitor! When I have finished procrastinating on this blog I am going to write a response which my solicitor can pass on to his solicitor!

Anyhow - enough about that arsehole!

Hopefully he will be gone soon!

Rufus at the Palace

I had THE most fantastic night! Went with Keith to see Rufus Wainwright at Hampton Court.

It was awesome. One of those things that will stay in my head forever.

Met Keith at North Greenwich before heading off to Hampton Court - stopping en route for Marks & Sparks picnicery!

It was a warm sunny evening and we sat out in the gardens with a gazillion others, ate dinner, took pics and generally enjoyed having space and time to ourselves for a while.





Rufus was amazing. Just him, a piano and a guitar. Great music dotted with funny banter and the odd fuck-up!




The journey home by train was a long one and as the house was empty, we decided to take advantage of it and stay in Greenwich instead of driving the 45 minutes back to SWF.

That was strange. Keith's first visit to the shitehole that used to be my house. And it really was a shitehole in the living room where Nick sleeps. Although I had at least cleaned the kitchen!

Still - my bed won't seem so cold and uninviting now that I have memories of Keith in it!

;)

Fairy Aaron

Just for Sam...

Gem's Addiction

I am addicted to rice cakes.

Odd, because they don't taste of anything at all.

Its strange and faintly worrying.

Clearing Out The Crap!

OK - today has been a bizarre mixture of good and stressy!

When I got back to the house last night I discovered that Nick has buggered off for a few days / week / 2 weeks - he doesn't know how long. He won't say where he is, other than telling Gemima he was in a "sort of hospital like place" where he is being looked after.

Its his turn with Gemima this weekend but as he left a message on my voicemail this morning and mentioned being on a steroid drip, I am not leaving her with him even if he does come back in time.

The last time he came off a steroid drip was 22 November - see my blog on that day if you want to know how agressive he can get after coming off a steroid drip!

Anyhow - him being away for a while is good - I started tidying up yesterday but had a total blitz on the kitchen this evening and cleared out loads of crap. Have made a slight dent on the living room but that really is a total shite-hole and full of Nick's stuff and will probably take a good few days to clear. But its a start.

I figured that I might as well start preparing now in case I have to move... and if I end up not having to move, then I have a clutter-free house which will be easier to decorate properly!

Stressy because I am still having to deal with my financial crap and those who know me will know I hate dealing with my financial crap!

Also stressy because Keith went out tonight with Gloria, Sharon's Mum. I knew he was a bit anxious about it, which in turn made me anxious about it and I've sort of been tied up in knots for most of the afternoon. I was trying (not successfully) not to build emotional walls and run away and hide but it was difficult.

He called when he got back just before 10pm to say that actually he'd had a good time and there had been no agenda to her wanting to see him, which was a relief for him and therefore for me. He did sound happy and told me I can stop building my emotional walls up now!

He'll be glad to know I've fired the construction company for the moment then!

As far as the house goes, I think I might tackle my bedroom next. I am tempted to dismantle the bed and drag it down to the end of the garden ready for burning!

Now there's a nice thought. Might do that Thursday as I'm going out tomorrow night.

So - tonight I am getting stuff ready so I can take my housing application form to the council, collect some stuff from my solicitors and drop other stuff off to my solicitors, drop the kids at Mum's then meet Keith to go off to Hampton Court for 9pm to see Rufus.

Am SO looking forward to that. Will be lovely to be just the two of us for a while.

Catch Up!!!

Oh God! I'm SUCH a slacker! I haven't blogged for ages!

Right - what has happened in my life since I last bothered my arse to blog about it...?

Actually lots and lots has happened. To the point where I don't know which way is up and my stress levels are through the roof.

Probably why I haven't wanted to write about it. Too much to cope with just living it!

So - a brief rundown of things that have happened in thelast week or so:

BastardCard:
Living up to their new name.

Didn't investigate and send me a final response letter as they were supposed to. Didn't resolve the issue by mid-march as they were supposed to.

No.

The fuckers sent the case off to a debt collection agency instead!

Needless to say I wrote them a shitty letter and copied it to the financial ombudsman and to the debt collectors. Was a bit angry - wrote an essay - sent off 11 pages of A4 to each!

Debt collection agency responded by apologising and I made a £50 contribution towards my actual bill so that the matter did not go to court (they had been demanding just over £150 in their letter).

Still to hear back from BastardCard. Watch this space!!

Divorce:
Nick is being a fucking shite.

No change there then!

He's told Gemima that he hates me and everyone in my family and that after the divorce is over he never wants to see any of us again. (Feeling is mutual I am sure!)

He has clearly forgotten that my family happen to be Gemima's family and that she will be upset by this.

Tosser!

He has also been doing his best to again persuade her to live with him and not me. Naturally I have explained that this is not a decision a 7-year-old has to make and that the courts will decide.

He has cancelled all the direct debits on the joint account - including utility bills and council tax! The only ones left open are mortgage and his life insurance. I have had to go pay off May's mortgage as I found out today that it wasn't paid! Hurrah! That's me skint for the month! Had to move mortgage payment date to 1st of the month too - so that's an extra £120-odd on top of next month's mortgage already.

Keith:
Is my rock and is as fabulous as ever. I don't know what I would do without him.

Really.

I don't.

I've had a great couple of weekends. The kids love being in SWF and they both really like Keith.

That's not a problem. The problem is the awful empty feeling I get when I have to leave SWF to come back to London. I hesitate to say come back home because the house in London doesn't feel like home. Not to any of us.

House:
Looks like I'll have to sell it. Brain fizzing - can't write any more about this!

General:

• Work = busy and now complicated! Talk about steep learning curve!
• Car = taxed now. Finally! Insurance premium has now doubled since accident last year as lorry driver who parked in the back of my old Peugeot has still not paid out so I look like I have 0 years no claims bonus instead of 3 years! Grrr!
• Watched lots of TV at Keith's - a novelty still!
• Went to see Indiana Jones with Keith, Aaron, Gemima and Sam. Was fab and continued in the traditional Indiana Jones style!

Tired. Tis late and I should have been asleep long ago but sleep has been elusive for a couple of weeks now.

I miss Keith. I find it hard to sleep in my cold bed in the loft without him. I seem to have become used to cuddling up to him and nodding off. Its funny - I thought I would never want to share my sleeping space with anyone again - but I can't sleep properly anymore when he's not there.

*sigh*

That's about all my tired brain can remember for now. Time to attempt the sleep thing again methinks!