Today was just weird.
I feel numb.
Emotionally drained and very insecure.
Just want to cry but for some reason I can't seem to let it out. Don't know why.
Keith told me to either stop it or let it out but not to do the halfway thing of pretending I'm OK when I'm clearly not.
If only it were that easy.
I really didn't want to come back to London today. But for the first time since I have been coming to Keith's, I felt like I was intruding and shouldn't be there. Its a horrible feeling and I think is probably only in my own head because Sam was asking if I could stay an extra few days and Keith didn't seem to be that freaked out by the suggestion - although he knew it wasn't possible so I suppose he wouldn't have to be freaked out.
Train journey took 1 hour 20 mins from South Woodham to North Greenwich. Bus journey from North Greenwich to Eltham took 1 hour 15 mins! Go figure!
Nick was out when we got back. Aaron went off with my brother to stay at my Mum's for a few days and then I got Gemima settled. Nick got home well after 10pm.
Sigh. Now I've just got to get the car sorted first thing tomorrow.
Oh joy.
Monday, 5 May 2008
Sunday, 4 May 2008
Peace, Hair Dye and Emotional Lunacy
After yet another manic morning on the Wii, Sam's friends made their way home and the rest of the kids went off to the park. It was nice to have a bit of peace and quiet.
I come from a big busy family so the noise and activity didn't really phase me but Keith did look a bit shell-shocked. Perhaps in future it might be wise to avoid quite so many people sleeping in the house at one time!
I re-dyed Keith's hair (red) and my hair (Cyber Purple) and as I'd promised Gemima ages ago that when I dyed my hair purple again I'd do her fringe for her, she held me to it, so she now has a big streak of purple to clash with her ginger locks. This has earned her the new nickname of Gurple (Ginger and Purple)!
Sadly, all the stress of the last six months decided to descend upon me this afternoon and I found it very difficult to concentrate on anything at all.
All that has been going through my head today has been divorce stuff, house and mortgage stuff, new job stuff, finances (or lack thereof), kids stuff, relationship stuff and now to top it all off, getting the car sorted, which will cost money I don't have.
To be honest, I really don't know which way is up and the moment and I think I have somewhat exceeded my stress tolerance levels.
Unfortunately for Keith, when Gemima asked him who the lady in the big picture was (Sharon), it initiated an emotional downslide for him and I wasn't able to cope with that at all. I could almost hear it coming on the back of Gemima's question and did the only thing I was able to do at that point, which was take Gemima out of the room and hide myself away.
Both Sam and Sophie had been talking about Sharon earlier in the day and Sam had become quite emotional himself - which at that point I had been able to be supportive with.
I'm sorry Keith. What a crap friend I am. I just really couldn't deal with it. Sorted Aaron and Gemima out and made sure they were occupied and then just sat in the bathroom and cried... quietly.
Finally got myself together enough to go and check train times for tomorrow. It was awful. Keith was in the room, obviously upset and all I could think about was how much I must be intruding on his space and how my children and I must really be in the way.
If I'd had a working car I would have packed the kids into it and given him the space he needed - but it was too late to go back to London by train at that point.
I hate being such an emotional loon. I annoy myself when I get to the point where I find it hard to cope. Sometimes I just want everything to go away and for someone else to just sort things out for me.
But then I suppose everyone has days like that.... don't they?
I come from a big busy family so the noise and activity didn't really phase me but Keith did look a bit shell-shocked. Perhaps in future it might be wise to avoid quite so many people sleeping in the house at one time!
I re-dyed Keith's hair (red) and my hair (Cyber Purple) and as I'd promised Gemima ages ago that when I dyed my hair purple again I'd do her fringe for her, she held me to it, so she now has a big streak of purple to clash with her ginger locks. This has earned her the new nickname of Gurple (Ginger and Purple)!
Sadly, all the stress of the last six months decided to descend upon me this afternoon and I found it very difficult to concentrate on anything at all.
All that has been going through my head today has been divorce stuff, house and mortgage stuff, new job stuff, finances (or lack thereof), kids stuff, relationship stuff and now to top it all off, getting the car sorted, which will cost money I don't have.
To be honest, I really don't know which way is up and the moment and I think I have somewhat exceeded my stress tolerance levels.
Unfortunately for Keith, when Gemima asked him who the lady in the big picture was (Sharon), it initiated an emotional downslide for him and I wasn't able to cope with that at all. I could almost hear it coming on the back of Gemima's question and did the only thing I was able to do at that point, which was take Gemima out of the room and hide myself away.
Both Sam and Sophie had been talking about Sharon earlier in the day and Sam had become quite emotional himself - which at that point I had been able to be supportive with.
I'm sorry Keith. What a crap friend I am. I just really couldn't deal with it. Sorted Aaron and Gemima out and made sure they were occupied and then just sat in the bathroom and cried... quietly.
Finally got myself together enough to go and check train times for tomorrow. It was awful. Keith was in the room, obviously upset and all I could think about was how much I must be intruding on his space and how my children and I must really be in the way.
If I'd had a working car I would have packed the kids into it and given him the space he needed - but it was too late to go back to London by train at that point.
I hate being such an emotional loon. I annoy myself when I get to the point where I find it hard to cope. Sometimes I just want everything to go away and for someone else to just sort things out for me.
But then I suppose everyone has days like that.... don't they?
Saturday, 3 May 2008
The Jimble Has Landed
Took advantage of having a nice hire car for the day, called Nick and told him about yesterdays fender-bender and that I only have the hire car for one day, which means I have a small window to get Gemima (Jimble) in.
Picked her up from the house at 7pm and brought her back to Keith's. It was weird but lovely to have her with me. I was a little nervous that she would find it strange being at Keith's house but with the hive of activity that Keith's has been this weekend - Sam having two friends sleeping over as well as me and my brood descending on the place - Gemima jumped right in and made herself at home.
Dinner, Dr Who and a really late bedtime made her day I think!
Just hope it wasn't all too much for Keith. He did seem a little overwhelmed by the fact that there were 9 people in his house!
Picked her up from the house at 7pm and brought her back to Keith's. It was weird but lovely to have her with me. I was a little nervous that she would find it strange being at Keith's house but with the hive of activity that Keith's has been this weekend - Sam having two friends sleeping over as well as me and my brood descending on the place - Gemima jumped right in and made herself at home.
Dinner, Dr Who and a really late bedtime made her day I think!
Just hope it wasn't all too much for Keith. He did seem a little overwhelmed by the fact that there were 9 people in his house!
Bloody Car!
Well, today was a bastard disappointment of a day.
Got up early to call around local garages. Found one nearby with the right radiator and availability to get the works done today - only snag - getting the car there by 10:30am was essential.
Sadly RAC couldn't have been more different today than they were yesterday. The service I got from them was utter shite.
In the end, despite calling since 9am, they didn't come until after 11am, by which time the garage said they couldn't take the car because they closed at 1pm and would not have had time to do the work.
I was SO pissed off!!
Not the RAC man's fault.
Anyhow - my car got towed back off to London to sit on my Mum's drive and I had to wait at Keith's for my courtesy car to arrive (which I can have for 24 hours under my policy!)
That in itself was a cock-up! Its bank holiday weekend - the hire company are shut from this afternoon until Tuesday morning! But still I cannot drive the car after 2pm Sunday.
Ah well - at least we had something to do the shopping in! lol
Got up early to call around local garages. Found one nearby with the right radiator and availability to get the works done today - only snag - getting the car there by 10:30am was essential.
Sadly RAC couldn't have been more different today than they were yesterday. The service I got from them was utter shite.
In the end, despite calling since 9am, they didn't come until after 11am, by which time the garage said they couldn't take the car because they closed at 1pm and would not have had time to do the work.
I was SO pissed off!!
Not the RAC man's fault.
Anyhow - my car got towed back off to London to sit on my Mum's drive and I had to wait at Keith's for my courtesy car to arrive (which I can have for 24 hours under my policy!)
That in itself was a cock-up! Its bank holiday weekend - the hire company are shut from this afternoon until Tuesday morning! But still I cannot drive the car after 2pm Sunday.
Ah well - at least we had something to do the shopping in! lol
Friday, 2 May 2008
Cracked Radiators and Burst Plans
Oh For God's Sake!
As if I don't have enough stress in my life I have to go and give myself a heap more! Will I never learn?
This evening on my way to Keith's I momentarily lost concentration at the roundabout coming off the M25. Silly thing to do, I know.
Never Drive Tired!
I should know that by now.
Anyhow - as optical illusions go, this was a good one! It looked to me like the BT van in front of me had pulled away. Sadly it hadn't. I rolled forward in 1st gear getting ready to go and hit my brake a fraction of a second too late after I realised the van hadn't pulled away after all.
It was the tiniest of taps. The van driver didn't even seem to realise I'd touched him and went on his merry way.
My car, however, was not quite so resilient and the radiator decided to have a hissy fit - literally. Steam everywhere!
Luckily for me, my bank account has RAC membership with it, so I gave them a call and while I was on the phone to them an RAC man drove by and kindly stopped when I waved at him.
I was nearer to Keith's than home and as the tailback for the Dartford Toll bridge was right past junction 29 and heading towards junction 28, the RAC man agreed to tow the car to Keith's rather than sit in traffic for 4 hours!
Sadly it meant that Keith and I had to cancel going to the party we'd been invited to at Evolution tonight.
On the plus side - Keith had cooked! A rarity on the weekend! So at least I got to have dinner!
As if I don't have enough stress in my life I have to go and give myself a heap more! Will I never learn?
This evening on my way to Keith's I momentarily lost concentration at the roundabout coming off the M25. Silly thing to do, I know.
Never Drive Tired!
I should know that by now.
Anyhow - as optical illusions go, this was a good one! It looked to me like the BT van in front of me had pulled away. Sadly it hadn't. I rolled forward in 1st gear getting ready to go and hit my brake a fraction of a second too late after I realised the van hadn't pulled away after all.
It was the tiniest of taps. The van driver didn't even seem to realise I'd touched him and went on his merry way.
My car, however, was not quite so resilient and the radiator decided to have a hissy fit - literally. Steam everywhere!
Luckily for me, my bank account has RAC membership with it, so I gave them a call and while I was on the phone to them an RAC man drove by and kindly stopped when I waved at him.
I was nearer to Keith's than home and as the tailback for the Dartford Toll bridge was right past junction 29 and heading towards junction 28, the RAC man agreed to tow the car to Keith's rather than sit in traffic for 4 hours!
Sadly it meant that Keith and I had to cancel going to the party we'd been invited to at Evolution tonight.
On the plus side - Keith had cooked! A rarity on the weekend! So at least I got to have dinner!
Thursday, 1 May 2008
Catch Up, Catch Up, Catch Up!!!!
Oh God! I've been such a lazy bugger about blogging for the last week! My apologies to anyone who has bothered looking and is wondering why I have not done anything at all.
So - here's a brief run-down of the last week:
Thursday - Monday
A very long weekend for me. All ran into a bit of a blur and I can't remember what I did on which day but needless to say it was all with Keith & the kids and it was all great fun! Involved much watching of crap on TV, lazing about, sleeping, eating, drinking and getting the kids to fit a new CD player in my car! (Thank you Sophie and Shane!)
Tuesday - Today
Back to London and back to work. Spent the last three days doing physical intervention training at work.
Oh My God! I feel like I have been hit by a sodding truck!
My legs haven't hurt this much since... well... ever! The course was awesome though - I really enjoyed it. Sadly it has shown me that although I have shrunk the best part of 4 sizes since about October last year, its really time for me to start doing some regular exercise and tone myself up.
And today Nick and I had a chat about Gemima. She'd asked the other week about coming with me to Keith's one weekend. I'd put her off because she had things arranged. As this Monday is a bank holiday, I thought it would be a good opportunity to bring her to Keith's and introduce her to everyone.
I talked to her about it and agreed that she can spend Friday and Saturday night with Nick and that I will pick her up on Sunday late morning and she can come back to Keith's for the night with me.
She thought that was a good plan and she didn't feel so torn at the idea of leaving Nick alone for that length of time. Poor kid is starting to feel responsible for him and its not healthy!
Needless to say Nick was not best pleased at that idea but to his credit, after much discussion he has accepted it and will have her ready for me to collect on Sunday.
He did ask her if it was what she wanted and after she said that she did, he seemed more agreeable to the idea. Hopefully he won't just bugger off out with her on Sunday. Although I did say that if he does that, I'll just take her with me on Friday next weekend and we'll be gone all weekend.
Watch This Space!!!
So - here's a brief run-down of the last week:
Thursday - Monday
A very long weekend for me. All ran into a bit of a blur and I can't remember what I did on which day but needless to say it was all with Keith & the kids and it was all great fun! Involved much watching of crap on TV, lazing about, sleeping, eating, drinking and getting the kids to fit a new CD player in my car! (Thank you Sophie and Shane!)
Tuesday - Today
Back to London and back to work. Spent the last three days doing physical intervention training at work.
Oh My God! I feel like I have been hit by a sodding truck!
My legs haven't hurt this much since... well... ever! The course was awesome though - I really enjoyed it. Sadly it has shown me that although I have shrunk the best part of 4 sizes since about October last year, its really time for me to start doing some regular exercise and tone myself up.
And today Nick and I had a chat about Gemima. She'd asked the other week about coming with me to Keith's one weekend. I'd put her off because she had things arranged. As this Monday is a bank holiday, I thought it would be a good opportunity to bring her to Keith's and introduce her to everyone.
I talked to her about it and agreed that she can spend Friday and Saturday night with Nick and that I will pick her up on Sunday late morning and she can come back to Keith's for the night with me.
She thought that was a good plan and she didn't feel so torn at the idea of leaving Nick alone for that length of time. Poor kid is starting to feel responsible for him and its not healthy!
Needless to say Nick was not best pleased at that idea but to his credit, after much discussion he has accepted it and will have her ready for me to collect on Sunday.
He did ask her if it was what she wanted and after she said that she did, he seemed more agreeable to the idea. Hopefully he won't just bugger off out with her on Sunday. Although I did say that if he does that, I'll just take her with me on Friday next weekend and we'll be gone all weekend.
Watch This Space!!!
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