Ugggh

Forgot to blog yesterday that I fell down the stairs at Mum's.

Headfirst no less! It was really quite spectacular and must have looked hilarious.

Sadly, today I REALLY, REALLY hurt!

Flying (or falling spectacularly) is not a good idea anyway much less with whiplash!!

Painkillers and an early night for me tonight I think.

*sigh*

Only me!!!! Tut!!

:o)

She Got There OK

Just got a text from Alex to say that they got to Nick's sister's OK.

I can go to sleep now. Was anxious about Nick doing that drive - has taken 7 hours.

Keith's Prezzie

Been teasing Keith for a while now about his Christmas prezzie.

Today was no exception - only this time I sent him a picture of it too...

The response I got from him via text.... "ha bloody ha"

Excellent!!!

Early Christmas Prezzie

Went to visit my friends Michael and Michelle this afternoon. In fact I was with Michelle when Nick called about going to Cornwall.

It was nice to see them and the kids - I realised I haven't been round for almost a year now. Stayed til Eastenders came on and then left to come over to Karen's for the night.

I'd brought Karen's Christmas prezzie with me and as her ex has also managed to royally piss her off, we thought we'd cheer each other up and do the present thing early.

This is a pic of what she bought for me. Its fabulous and I love it!!!!

Apologies for the crap photo quality, they were taken on my phone.

And this is what she MADE for me! How talented is she?!?!?

It'll Be Not Quite Such A Merry Christmas As I'd Hoped For...

True to his usual form, Nick has managed to disrupt things for everyone else this Christmas.

I should have known. Despite my best efforts to organise everything and actually plan who would be where, he left it until 3:30 this afternoon to tell me he is going to Cornwall. Of course he had Gemima with him today so he told her this morning, knowing that although everything was arranged for her to come with me this year, that she would want to go to Cornwall to see her cousins.

Crafty, sneaky bastard.

Suffice it to say, Gemima, Nick and his brother, Alex are all currently en route to Cornwall as I type.

If I had known a couple of weeks ago that this would happen, I would have had time to prepare myself emotionally. As it is, there is no time for that now for me or for Aaron... or for Gemima for that matter.

I went round to the house to say goodbye to her before they left. It was hard not to cry. I don't want her to feel guilty about going - I want her to have fun and enjoy herself.

But when she gave me her teddy so that I would have something to cuddle while she was away, I couldn't help myself. I cried just a little bit.

So that's both my girls who won't be with me this year.

I will miss them...

:(

Strange Days Indeed

Been a strange few days.

I have no idea where my head is at with anything. Been wandering about in a bit of a daze, trying to function normally but going on autopilot really.

Lots of tears the last few days. I feel so displaced. I don't really belong anywhere. I just stay places and I think my time of doing that is running out. How much longer can I reasonably inflict myself and my children on people?

I have fantasic friends. I am lucky. But I feel like am I constantly asking too much.

Christmas will be strange. I'll be staying with Keith but I am not sure I should. I want to but I am not sure if he has said yes because he wants me to or because he feels he should... or maybe he feels he can't say no. I've really no idea.

I know this is an emotional time for him and I feel like I am not part of that and I am intruding.

Actually, truth be told I feel like that much of the time lately. Maybe I shouldn't feel so insecure in this relationship... but I do.

Its not easy to live in a shadow... I can't live up to anything... failure is probably the only option.

Been fighting hard in my head not to retreat behind a wall. It's too easy to look at myself and see all my faults... and there are many.

Oh and to cap it all, my GP wouldn't sign any certificate to say I am fit to go back to work. He has signed me off for another three weeks. Given that work won't pay me while I am off sick that means a grand total of SIX weeks on SSP (£75 a week) going into my bank. And that's assuming my GP says I can go back at the end of this three week period.

I have no idea how I will cope... well I'm not coping really, am I!

LOL - Keith, your girfriend is a bit crap and an emotional lunatic. Sorry! You have been warned!

That's assuming of course that you still read my blog....

Christmas Cards...

Thought I'd get in before Keith...

He sent me the following picture earlier and I thought it was fabulous and dedicate it to the idiot I am divorcing!


Emo Xmas!!
OK it is a litte bit mean and I don't really mean it (much) but I needed a little Christmas cheer.

That's my story and I am sticking to it!