Yesterday was the worst day so far in the process of this divorce. I'd thought things had been improving... how wrong could I have been!
I've posted balow an outline of an email I sent to my solicitor at stupid O'Clock this morning. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep at all last night - a couple of hours of cat-napping at best.
It's long... if you get to the end, well done!
...
This morning I was brushing Gemima’s hair and both children were in the living room with me. Nick came in and asked what was happening about Gemima’s childcare arrangements after school. I advised him that my friend Ana was picking her up as she usually does on a Tuesday and Wednesday.
Nick became very aggressive and demanded to know why he couldn’t collect her on more days. I remained calm and asked him not to shout and said that he could – he just needed to say which days he wanted to get her. He said he would do Wednesdays. I explained that we have cover for Tuesdays and Wednesdays. He is already doing Mondays and the days we have problems with are Thursdays and Fridays. Nick shouted that he goes to gym on Thursday so is not doing that and that he needs “every other fucking Friday off” because he needs “a fucking break too”. He demanded to know why the only time he could ever talk to me was when the chldren are around and asked if I were a coward and stated that I hide behind the children.
At this point Gemima was crying and both children were asking him to stop. He then proceeded to shout at me, despite me stating repeatedly that his actions and behaviour were not appropriate in front of the children and asking him to stop myself.
Nick stated that he needed a break because I had left Gemima with him for seven months. I reminded him that he had refused to allow me to have her alternate weekends and that he had become angry when I had finally insisted. He became extremely aggressive, stating that he was perfectly right to insist I don’t have her and referred to me as a “slut” in front of the children.
Both children were extremely distressed at this point and asking him to stop. Gemima was in tears. Aaron said “shut up” and Nick responded by moving towards Aaron, sticking his two fingers up at him and saying to him “you can fuck off”. Aaron responded by telling Nick to fuck off at which Nick said “Yeah? What are you going to do about it” and staring at Aaron in a very intimidating way. Aaron asked him what he was going to do and Nick replied that he was going to sit there and stare at him. I again told Nick to stop his behaviour and asked him if he couldn’t see the distress he was causing both children.
Nick then shouted at me “Oh yeah. Its all my fault. Maybe I should be like every other divorcing dad and just give up my job and fuck off. You’d be happy then, wouldn’t you. You’d get all the fucking money then!” he then turned to Aaron and shouted “and you’d be fucking happy too because Gemima wouldn’t have a dad either.”
This statement caused Gemima to become more distressed.
Nick continued to shout and throw insults at me and Aaron before stating that he wished he could “unadopt” Aaron.
At this point Aaron left the room, stormed out of the house and slammed the front door.
I attempted to console Gemima but Nick came over and cuddled her and tried to tell her that it was his MS and his medication making him behave like this. I said that he should apologise to Aaron as he had behaved in an unacceptable way. Nick said very sarcastically “right – its all my fault. I push everyone away!” and then tried to imply that Aaron had deserved his treatment. At this point I left the room and went to speak to Aaron. Aaron came back into the house and went to his room where he packed a suitcase and took it to my car.
All the time this incident was taking place, Nick’s brother Alex remained on the stairs outside the living room.
Nick appeared to become quite contrite at this point and attempted to apologise to Aaron, calling him back into the house. He gave Aaron a hug and said something to him which I could not hear.
Alex then returned to the living room.
Both children stated that they could not face going to school. I agreed to take Aaron to my mother’s house. Gemima wanted to come to work with me for the day.
Nick then told Gemima that he wasn’t feeling well. I stated that Nick should not attempt to make Gemima feel guilty for wanting to come with me. Nick then shouted at me and said his behaviour was my fault, stating “there you go sparking me off again.” I then told Nick he needed to take responsibility for his actions and stop trying to blame everyone else for his behaviour.
Gemima left the house and went to talk to Aaron by my car. Nick calmed and agreed she should go with me. I advised him that I would be back at the house in the evening if he wanted to talk but that I would not be coming to the house Wednesday evening and he could have some time with Gemima. I also advised that I would be taking Gemima and Aaron with me to stay at Karen’s house on Thursday night and that he was having her for the weekend. Nick asked if I would write it down for him as he would forget. I agreed to text it to him.
We left the house and both children got into the car. Nick apologised to me out of earshot of the children and stated that he thought his medication was to blame for his outburst.
I took both children with me. When we reached my mother’s house, Aaron told me that despite Nick’s efforts at an apology, he did not believe it was sincere or that it would not happen again as this is not the first time. Aaron stated that he now refuses to answer to the Surname “Wales” and asked that I contact the school to tell them he is now using the Surname “Scott” which was his birth name. He said that no matter what, “Scott” is the name he will be using from now on.
He also stated that he wants no more contact with Nick and will not return to the former marital home while Nick is still present.
Gemima came to work with me but due to circumstances there, I had to take her to stay at my Karen’s house for the day. Gemima knows Karen very well and has stayed with her on many occasions. She was happy to go to Karen’s house.
At 14:07 I received the following text from Nick:
“Just spoke to ms nurse. Dosage was probably to high. I went from 0 – to 200 mg a day. So have to half dosage because I’m a small build. Family doctor got it wrong again. Thought I would try and let you know . OK :) Seems I’m a bit sensitive to medication. I really apologise for this morning and deeply regret that it ever happened.”
I responded at 14:10 with the following text:
“Thank you for letting me know.
Aaron is staying at my mum’s for a few days.
I will be at the house tonight.
I will leave Gemima with you Weds and am taking her with me for a sleepover at Karen’s Thurs.
Gemima is with you this weekend.”
Due to circumstances beyond my control I had to work late and did not leave until almost 7pm. I went to collect Gemima where she was playing the Wii with her friend Katherine. I let her finish her game and then left and drove the 20-minute journey to my mother’s house to see Aaron and make sure he was OK.
At 20:50 I sent Nick the following text:
“Will bring Gemima back soon.”
I received no response.
I left my mother’s house shortly afterwards and returned with Gemima to the former marital home.
Gemima went into the living room and spoke to Nick, leaving me to carry her bag into the house. When I came into the house, Nick slammed the living room door shut in front of me. I did not bother going into the living room but went upstairs and left Gemima to spend some time with Nick.
Shortly afterwards, Nick left Gemima in the living room and came up to the loft room to talk to me. He asked how Aaron was. I told him that Aaron was not OK and that he was very upset by the morning’s events. I advised that Aaron would be saying at my mother’s house for a while.
I asked where Alex was and Nick replied that he had gone back to Cornwall to visit their parents. He stated that he didn’t know how long for and that Alex would not be here much longer so he would be losing his support, not that he expected me to care. I asked if he had come to my room just to have another argument. He stated he had not.
Nick then asked when Jade would be coming back to live at the house. I stated that I didn’t know. He then said that he needed his space in the living room and suggested Alex use Jade’s room. When I queried this based on his statement that Alex wouldn’t be staying much longer, he stated that he had not said that to me. I stated I did not want to argue.
He then asked if I could ask Jade if Alex could use her room. I suggested he call and ask himself as he wanted it. At this he stated he did not want to speak to Jade. He then got angry and stormed down the stairs to the loft room, slamming the door hard on the way out. He opened it again and said “actually I want to do this” and slammed the door as hard as he possibly could, causing the cover on the handle inside the room to fall off.
I went down the stairs and pushed the cover back on the handle and opened the door to make sure it could still open. When I opened the door, Nick was standing in the room and demanded to know why I had followed him. I referred to the fact that I was checking the handle but stated I did not have to justify my reasons for coming down the stairs. I asked why he had found it necessary to come to my room, cause an argument and then leave, slamming my door twice on the way out. I also referred to him slamming the door in my face when I had returned to the house. Nick’s response was “because I fucking felt like it”
Nick stated that the loft room was his as well, as is the rest of the house and that he can do as he likes. I stated that he was doing it deliberately to try and intimidate me and drive me out of the house. Nick laughed and said if he wanted to go into Jade’s room and pack it up then he could. I told him I didn’t think he could as it was Jade’s room and not his. He said he didn’t care and that I could tell my solicitor and take it to the court if I wish.
He said “I don’t give a fuck what the fucking courts say or what your fucking solicitor says. Go ahead and write him a little letter. I don’t care what it makes me look like. I will tell my solicitor to ignore his letters and not to answer them.”
He then proceeded to shout “you are a fucking slut. You slept around in your teens and you are just a slag. And you are a shit mother.” I told him nothing he could say could hurt me any more.
He then demanded to see the handle and told me to move out of the way. I stated that it was my room, I did not want him in it and I would not move out of the way.
Nick then proceeded to physically shove me out of the way and enter my bedroom to look at the door. I advised him that pushing and shoving me is actually assault. He laughed and tapped me twice on the right arm. I advised that I felt he was again trying to intimidate me and that those actions could also be seen as assault, to which his response was “so what, go ahead and write your letter to your solicitor. Better get on with it now.”
Gemima then called him from the living room and he left the room.
Gemima later told me that she had heard the argument.
Here's to hoping that things can only get better from here... or is that just wishful thinking???
