The tension in this house is unbearable. Its almost as though while we lived with it day in and day out for years, we were used to it, it seemed normal and we could cope. Having the house as a Nick-Free-Zone for nine whole days allowed us all to relax and to live how people normally live.
Having to cope with having him back seems cruel. I feel like I am being punished for something. His sarcastic comments and arrogance and belligerance and the constant whine of the "poor me" engine inside him that goes on and on emitting crap from his brain floods my ears until I want to scream at him or seriously hurt him. I can't stand to be in the same room as him or even to hear his voice droning on and on about the same old shit all the fucking time!
Why can't he just fuck off back to Cornwall and put us all out of our misery!!!
Its not like we'd miss him. Gemima didn't even ask for him from the early hours of Sunday morning when he went into hospital until the Tuesday evening when I said I'd take her to the hospital to see him.
Both Aaron and Jade commented on how nice the house was and how calm and peaceful and relaxed it felt when he was not there and how tense and stressful it feels now that he is back - and they said it independently and without any prompting.
What does THAT say about him.
God - I feel almost psychotic just thinking about it.
Glad I started this blog really - can't imagine how close I'd be to physically throwing him out of the door/window/car if I didn''t have somewhere to pour out my frustrations.
Yes Keith - I know I can tell you anything and I frequently do - but I can't yell at you in the way I want to yell now so its best I shout at the monitor through the keyboard!!
That feels better.
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